I was introduced to another side of a co-worker today. Brenda is a highly religious, righteous, law-abiding citizen: as am I. Up until this point in time, Brenda and I have had a fantastic working relationship. But tonight…oh tonight…
Her, Ali, and I were sitting around, just talking while the clients were getting ready for bed, and Ali began speaking of some movies that he had purchased that he had yet to watch. We asked him why he had so many movies that he hadn’t seen yet. He said he had bought a large quantity from a store that had gone out of business, and now he was getting a relatively steady stream of bootleg copies from a guy he knows.
“Ah, ah, ahh!” Brenda shook her finger at Ali and told him that that was illegal. Ali, of course, looked at her like she was crazy and conceded with a “yeah” and continued what he was saying about the movies. He and I began speaking on bootleg movie quality (the big-headed S.O.B. that always wants to stand up and walk around in the middle of a movie, namely) and Brenda couldn’t resist chiming in to tell us that this was a sign that we were doing something wrong and if it weren’t illegal, we would get a better quality movie. Ali and I both sighed to show that we both realized that we had to have this conversation some other time, or Brenda wasn’t going to stop.
Note that this was merely the most distinctive of a day filled with little quips and reminders about the rights and wrongs of the world. From the moment I set foot within earshot of Brenda, to the second I bolted for my car to be away from her, she was a judgment powerhouse.
Here’s the twist. Through self-analysis, and the comments of some of those near and dear to me, I think I may be a Brenda for some people. I don’t feel compelled to say something every time I find out about something “wrong” that someone has done, but I do bring to their attention possible solutions to their problems and thoughts that I have on options that may give them some relief. Somehow, this gets construed as being a Brenda. I’m still not sure how this works, and it’s been going on for a while, so I have been tracking it for some time. The scenario usually goes as follows:
Dana comes up to me and says that his girlfriend just dumped him. Mind you, this is the fifth girl to dump Dana in the past three years. I think to myself, ‘That’s not a good statistic, what could the problem be?’ I think back and realize that all the girls he has gone out with are rail-thin, Latina, and love hanging out in bars. So, I offer Dana the solution of going out with curvaceous, non-Latina women who he finds in libraries or at sporting events.
“Of course!” Dana exclaims. “The women I want don’t want me, so I’ll go for some different women! Thank you!”
Three months later his heart has been fricasseed again. He tells me about the size 1 named Marita Gonzales that he met at Cheers that said she didn’t want to see him again.
I say, “Dana, remember us having the conversation about going after different kinds of women since the kinds of women you are immediately attracted to don’t like you?”
He replies, “What? Well, I mean that is a good idea but…she was ‘different’…”
And so I give up, the friend continues getting into the same situations that they claim to hate, but, in the end, I am the moral Nazi that people hide things from. Go figure.
I understand that sometimes people just want to be listened to, you know, get some things off their chest. My issue is, if you ask me for a solution, why not at least attempt to implement what we’ve worked on? 90% of the time, I don’t merely tell people what to do, we work on a solution together. I’ll make a suggestion, they’ll point out a problem or potential obstacle, and we’ll rework the solution in order to make it better adapted to the friend’s lifestyle. So this is a resolution that I merely helped you come up with.
I can understand having a problem with authority to the point at which you refuse to take people’s suggestions, but to refuse an option you came up with, that was tailored to your life, by you, overseen by an M.S.S.W. candidate is a little difficult to swallow.
Maybe I’m being too simplistic. Maybe there’s something I’m just missing. I guess I’ll just figure it out at you go along.
[P.S. – I ASKED ONE OF MY ‘NEAR AND DEAR’S IF THIS ACCOUNT OF MYSELF SOUNDED ACCURATE, AND THEY AGREED. ]
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
The Fray
The Saturday I came back to work after Christmas was...interesting. It was not enough to invoke resignation, nor a mad, screaming dash over the horizon, but it was jarring. This is mostly because this was my first time dealing with physical conflict.
I was the only tech on duty (again), and all was going relatively well until the counselor on duty, Ali, had to admit a client. This is mostly just paperwork, but it has to be done in a special office in one corner of the building away from me, the clients, air, and opportunity.
"Brawl" One
Attempting to make myself big and circulate, I came up to the second floor on the elevator to be greeted by Greg telling me that someone had been tampering with people's clothes in the laundry room. Someone had turned his washing machine off. Someone had also disturbed Larry's wash. From my viewpoint, they were both coming at me with the same problem. As I set off to look into it, Larry was suddenly yelling in a thoroughly profane manner at Greg. Greg was attempting to get on the elevator anyhow, so I steered him in that direction, but not after holding a stiff arm before myself to keep him from getting to Larry (and his mouth) through me.
I thought all was well for a moment, and continued on my patrol. I rounded the corner to find Larry on his way down a rear staircase, no doubt headed for Greg, who was smoking in the courtyard. Ken and Tommy (more on him later) both ran down the stairs behind Larry to make sure there was not an altercation. I was also downstairs seconds later, and the issue had already been peacefully resolved. Larry had just gone down to clarify with Greg the he was not the one messing with people's laundry (which is apparently what Greg had thought before).
Crisis avoided, I went back to making my rounds.
Altercation Two
Making another round on the second floor, I came upon Tommy talking on the phone, but being yelled at by Teresa. The argument became more heated as I separated the two, sending Teresa down on the elevator. Though not resolved peacefully, these two were kept as far away from each other as practical for the rest of the night. After a small verbal recap in the courtyard when Tommy was passing Teresa on his way to smoke, they were civil from then on.
Charm Three
Just after I closed up the courtyard, Kaylin and Laura almost got into a fist fight. I separated them, sending Kaylin upstairs with another group of women, while I allowed Robert and Ken to help me talk Laura down. When the elevator car returned, we all got on and went upstairs. I had barely stepped out of the elevator when Kaylin and Laura were once again at each other's throats in the hallway. The men were on their side of the hall on the tips of their toes, there was a literal mob of women on the female side of the hallway creating a ring for the event. Luckily, Ken had stepped between the women and kept them away from one another as I pulled Laura away and into the small conference room us techs use as an HQ. I kept Laura at my side for the rest of the night (she helped me lock up all the doors make sure everyone was in bed). She said that the whole thing started with Kaylin saying that she would fuck Laura's physically abusive husband. (Why anyone in their right mind would say something like that I'll never understand.) I left work an hour later than usual, since I had to make note of all that had happened that night and make sure Laura was moved to another room, since she and Kaylin slept in beds next to one another.
At the end of the night, Ali told me I had done a good job. I was glad one of us thought so. But, now that I think about it, no one left, no one used, and no one got hurt, so I had to have done at least a mediocre job. (Right?)
I am really appreciative of all the help I received from clients. I was surprised by how helpful they were in suppressing anarchy. I'm sure a lot of things happened that night that I didn't see, but what I did see will be decent experience for the future I suppose.
I was the only tech on duty (again), and all was going relatively well until the counselor on duty, Ali, had to admit a client. This is mostly just paperwork, but it has to be done in a special office in one corner of the building away from me, the clients, air, and opportunity.
"Brawl" One
Attempting to make myself big and circulate, I came up to the second floor on the elevator to be greeted by Greg telling me that someone had been tampering with people's clothes in the laundry room. Someone had turned his washing machine off. Someone had also disturbed Larry's wash. From my viewpoint, they were both coming at me with the same problem. As I set off to look into it, Larry was suddenly yelling in a thoroughly profane manner at Greg. Greg was attempting to get on the elevator anyhow, so I steered him in that direction, but not after holding a stiff arm before myself to keep him from getting to Larry (and his mouth) through me.
I thought all was well for a moment, and continued on my patrol. I rounded the corner to find Larry on his way down a rear staircase, no doubt headed for Greg, who was smoking in the courtyard. Ken and Tommy (more on him later) both ran down the stairs behind Larry to make sure there was not an altercation. I was also downstairs seconds later, and the issue had already been peacefully resolved. Larry had just gone down to clarify with Greg the he was not the one messing with people's laundry (which is apparently what Greg had thought before).
Crisis avoided, I went back to making my rounds.
Altercation Two
Making another round on the second floor, I came upon Tommy talking on the phone, but being yelled at by Teresa. The argument became more heated as I separated the two, sending Teresa down on the elevator. Though not resolved peacefully, these two were kept as far away from each other as practical for the rest of the night. After a small verbal recap in the courtyard when Tommy was passing Teresa on his way to smoke, they were civil from then on.
Charm Three
Just after I closed up the courtyard, Kaylin and Laura almost got into a fist fight. I separated them, sending Kaylin upstairs with another group of women, while I allowed Robert and Ken to help me talk Laura down. When the elevator car returned, we all got on and went upstairs. I had barely stepped out of the elevator when Kaylin and Laura were once again at each other's throats in the hallway. The men were on their side of the hall on the tips of their toes, there was a literal mob of women on the female side of the hallway creating a ring for the event. Luckily, Ken had stepped between the women and kept them away from one another as I pulled Laura away and into the small conference room us techs use as an HQ. I kept Laura at my side for the rest of the night (she helped me lock up all the doors make sure everyone was in bed). She said that the whole thing started with Kaylin saying that she would fuck Laura's physically abusive husband. (Why anyone in their right mind would say something like that I'll never understand.) I left work an hour later than usual, since I had to make note of all that had happened that night and make sure Laura was moved to another room, since she and Kaylin slept in beds next to one another.
At the end of the night, Ali told me I had done a good job. I was glad one of us thought so. But, now that I think about it, no one left, no one used, and no one got hurt, so I had to have done at least a mediocre job. (Right?)
I am really appreciative of all the help I received from clients. I was surprised by how helpful they were in suppressing anarchy. I'm sure a lot of things happened that night that I didn't see, but what I did see will be decent experience for the future I suppose.
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